It all started when a friend asked me for fashion advice. With the addition:”From someone who does not attract female.” I laughed heartily. Then I came to a ponder. Because she is right. I wear almost exclusively jeans and sneakers. And that is not only because I go almost everywhere with the bike and often 14 hours a day. Above all, I hide myself and my body behind a repulsive facial expressions, rough sayings and sweaters.There are hardly any flowers in my closet. Is that my taste or do I just try to avoid a feminine look?
The feminine virtues of my figure are easy to emphasize, it is a classic X. I can live well with it. I can only endure another comment. It is not a compliment, if someone roars after you:”Geiler ass, can I fuck you from behind?” This is harassment. It’s frustrating. Since I was twelve years old, I am constantly harassed by strangers, bothered, insulted(#shout, #shout, etc.). I fought loudly, I ignored it. And somehow as inevitable.
The low point was reached when someone came to protest, because I did not want to show my breasts to him and his eight friends at night. The attack on my beloved wheel seemed to me worse than the verbal impudence. I had been used to them a long time ago. Instinctively, I withdrew. I do not want to be reduced to ass and tits. No matter by whom. That I hide from such attacks, I find frightening. I can not let myself be talked into by a few idiots! Am I a different woman when I wear dresses, skirts, figurbetones? What is my taste, what self-protection? Would I rather wear skirts and do not trust me?
Let’s find out. For a working week I wear feminine clothes(on the photos on the left), for a week what I usually wear(in the photos on the right). Let’s see what happens to my environment and what happens to me. Monday I wear dress. Seven different people tell me how pretty it looks. Nice actually. Before I leave the house, I do the road test. It goes like this: Go to your knees and lift a leg like a peeing dog. The test ensures that I can climb the skirt over the rod of my men’s bike.
Tuesday I wear a kind of pants skirt, high in the waist, with a transparent blouse with V-neck and sock. I feel quite well. Much more exciting than my own condition are the reactions from my environment. Some colleagues slip out compliments. If they know why I’m dressed differently, they row back and say things like,”No, well, that was stupid now. Sweet. That is fun.
In the evening I meet my good friend V, who looks at me carefully and irritated. I tell him what I’m trying. When we discuss whether my road bike is clear(maybe you can not make a butt more prominent), maybe I’m guilty of the insults, and if I have the perfect proportions in terms of reproductive biology, I frown and think that’s all a sexist shit is. Excuse this expression, but then the”normal Freddy” came through.
Wednesday Me. Can. Not. To breathe. 6:45 am and I stand in front of my closet in the gray pencil skirt, which gave me the name”Pornobibliothekarin”, and can not move me a step. That will not do. I change into the Jersey skirt with pigtails. I can even ride on the bike, which means: no public transport. I avoid them as often as I can. Several buttgraders and two exhibitionists I have so far experienced in streets, I can do without.
The day begins merrily with compliments and jokes and ends with tears of emotion. A colleague gets the background for my outfit change. He writes me an email and apologizes for those who have me much, much too close. 90 minutes I fight with emotion with the tears. Now I have it: three days with pantyhose and my tank is gone. I am emotionally concerned and I am very longing for sweaters, behind which I disappear, reported by homethodology.com. I feel feminine, softer. This is how I move. I did not sprint up the stairs, I stunk.
Thursday At day 4 I would like to cancel the project. The day before yesterday was stirring. Today I would rather feel safe again. It’s just clothing, I’m talking to myself, and still knows that clothes are more. Not just expression of taste. But also the expression of moods and the projection surface over which others judge me.
So I’m looking for an alternative armor in my wardrobe. Trousers and flat shoes must be today. Black also produces an armor, I think, and put on my waistcoat. The only flat shoes in my shoe cabinet are lilac. Will already go.
When I tell my girlfriend S., the teacher, she says,”I only wear black in school, and padded bras, what do you think would be going on if my students were to have an attack area?” Apparently, I am not the only one who is behind barricaded clothing.
Friday For years I worked for companies with dress codes. My cupboard is full with office pants, office dresses, office shoes and office blazers. Since I am at BRIGITTE, I am not attracted by it. Today, however, I suddenly enjoy it-it can also be fun to dress up. My body is a gift and it can be celebrated and stressed. I wear a blue dress that is really well cut. In addition the red”competent shoes”. That’s why they’re all about me. All difficult tasks, introductory talks, lectures. Sovereignty is red. On the way back someone calls me”Hey, Doll” behind. Oh, right, there was something.
When I wear my normal clothes again next week, I only get reactions to my outfit in a single day. The silver glitter jacket is so striking that I am addressed several times. Otherwise, I have again become unimpressive.
It was good to remember that figurative fashion can be fun. I feel different and I am perceived differently when I wear feminine clothes. And I now know that this is not a bad thing per se, requires only a thick coat against sexist comments. Even though I might wear skirt more often in the future-in jeans I just feel stronger.
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